The titular question is not usually a question I get asked- rather it is a statement often said to me.
I have heard it quite a number of times, in many ways, from many different sources. Some people dial it in and say “Parisians” instead, which is at least a slightly more nuanced take I suppose.
Well friends, I have come to weigh in.
I arrived in Paris at two in the afternoon. By the time I reached my AirBnB some four hours later, I had been helped by at least a dozen people, and at least half of those were not people whose job it was to help tourists. They were just people having their regular day in their home city.
I had people help lift my suitcase up stairwells, without fanfare or a show, barely stopping to accept my thank you but giving a nod or saying a few words in English where they could- “Good luck”, or “Enjoy your holiday.”
I asked random strangers how to get to my next train station, or checking that I’d set my course right. And in that brief time, I saw dozens of other tourists do the same.
I bothered staff three times at one terminal about where I needed to be and if I had the necessary paperwork for the line I was in – by the time I got to the next terminal, I was a pro. I was stopped by the attendant at the next desk who was peeved that I had just walked in and joined the queue – but he had no reason to believe I knew what I was doing, because he deals surely with a hundred people a day who have no idea. I actually didn’t have to say anything, just held up my paperwork and he nodded me through. Basically his main job was to make sure no one stood in line unnecessarily for twenty to thirty minutes, which might make them yell at staff for wasting their time, even though they were the one whole didn’t know what they were doing.
On the whole, in those four hours, I had I think maybe two staff members who seemed a bit frustrated, and I think it was because they herd people around all day who have no idea what they’re doing and keep ignoring instructions. Playing out the statistics, I think those are pretty good odds. Especially when you consider they are able to dole out this advice in multiple languages and figure out what each specific person needs, and also there were way more attendants than I am used to seeing. I don’t recall Sydney, for example, being as well equipped to aid its tourists.
Also have you met a tourist lately? Sweaty clueless creatures who you can barely communicate with you for basic daily tasks. I counted myself in this number. Honestly, I was impressed by everyone’s patience.
So that’s part one. To start, I don’t think the French are rude and definitely not moreso than anywhere else.
Being Polite in France
BUT – I do have a caveat.
I think there is another factor at play, in two parts. I think sometimes tourists – and we are going to take this all from a predominantly English-speaking/culture background – perceive certain behaviours as rude that are not rude in French culture, and on the flip side, can be rude first in French culture but not realise it, because they have not broken any social niceties of their home culture.
Let’s break down some examples for clarity.
- “Bonjour!” This word is king in France. Way more than ‘hello’ is in English-dominant countries. If you don’t start off an interaction with “bonjour”, then you were rude first. Any of the train station attendants? Bonjour first! Waiter comes to your table? You enter a shop or approach a counter? Bonjour! Look, you can probably overdo it, but as a tourist I think the better option. (When I side-stepped that greeter at the train station, because I did not wait to talk to him but joined the line anyway, I did not say bonjour to him- now I did this because I knew where I needed to go and he was busy with someone else, but honestly, I was going to have to wait either way and I think not saying hello probably did affect the tone of the interaction.)
- ”S’il vous plait” and “merci”: on the politeness theme, we have “please” and “thank you”. Being polite is ultra important in France and if you aren’t saying these, you might get a scowl or some other form of snubbing. Personally, I do find this one a little harder- “bonjour” is easy because no one has had a chance to interrupt me yet, but usually “thank you” comes in at the end, and when I’m stumbling frantically through my bakery order, inevitably get a gender or article wrong, the other person will usually say the thing that I mean to say to make sure they understand me and in the disruption, I will forget my “s’il vous plait” sometimes. But I do make sure to follow up with a “merci”, although if I’m really flustered, it will sound more like I am crying for mercy than anything else… and that’s probably not far wrong.
That is your main set honestly. The saying is that “a smile goes a long way” and while I don’t think it’s a hinderance, I just don’t think it gets you as far in France. While I still smile at strangers on the train if I catch their eye, I am careful to move on and not be seen to be staring or anything. What is seen as friendly and open in English-dominant culture can be seen presumptive and potentially overbearing in French culture.
Chatting is not really done here in the same way, I am told, and I am still trying to navigate where the line between ‘polite and interested’ as opposed to ‘rude and invasive’ is in France. The good news is that I have no confidence when it comes to speaking in French so I am definitely not asking rude questions!
One other thing I know comes up a lot is that in France when you eat, waiters will not hover around you, they will leave you to enjoy your meal in peace for the most part. To hover would be seen as them trying to rush and harass you, which can be quite different to the norm for many tourists. That said, I do think French servers are becoming aware of this because I noticed I got checked in with quite a bit more than the locals, and I knew when I had definitely come to a tourist-catering restaurant because they were clearly trying to overcompensate.
Really I am sure this just barely scratches the surfaces. But I think it is such a key aspect of understanding other people and other cultures.
Lots of things that we treat as inherent are not universal. Not everyone is taught the same rules and so they don’t all share the same views.
So, instead of presuming rudeness, first consider if the norms are different, and then consider that you might have been accidentally rude yourself.
Most people aren’t actually going around trying to insult everyone they meet, so I think we all do a little better when we give each other the benefit of the doubt.
